Maxwell’s* Silver Hammer

Let me tell you how things are going in my house thus far in 2008….

You may recall (or if you don’t, read here), that the forces of entropy took over my home in 2007. One would have thought that we had done our fair share to appease those forces and that it would be over. Snort. As if.

On Saturday, Spouse decided that it was time to clean the plastic sheeting that covers the oh-so-attractive fluorescent light fixture in our kitchen. Normally, this idea would be greeted with great glee, especially since there was a cricket corpse that has been in there for an embarrassingly long amount of time. Unfortunately, 10 year old plastic can be quite brittle and it broke, necessitating immediate replacement. The Home Despot which is near our home does not carry the right size of this plastic, even though the bin says it was the right size. Spouse, as you can imagine was quite chagrined by this as he not only had to return the original sheet, but drive an additional 6 miles (yes Spouse it is 6, I checked) to the Lowe’s to get the right size.

But it wasn’t like he didn’t have to go to the Despot anyway. When sandblasting my sons’ bathroom on Friday (With two little boys, it’s sandblasting, not cleaning, so I can’t be accused of exaggeration. And you’d think that if they had aim in a video game or nerf gun tag, that the skill would transfer to other areas of their life. But no.), I discovered that their toilet was leaking. So that needed some repair.

And the microwave is doing its thing again. I’m noticing that the cooking times are now off as well, so it may have to be replaced sooner, rather than later.

Let’s not leave out the back door, which we finally had time to really inspect. All of the trim work will need to be replaced, if not the entire casing. I guess the front door felt left out in all of this because the leaded glass is now cracked in three places.

Oh, and did I mention the side table where the leg came loose and needed regluing? And the kitchen chair which needs the same?

So, after all of this repair work, Spouse decides he needs a little snack. He gets out his favorite cheese (Tillamook Extra Sharp, in a really big brick), gets some crackers, and the cheese slicer. One of those metal ones with the wire.

Snap.

The final indignity.

The next time Maxwell* sends his demons out to my house to collect protection money, I’m going to pay. Anything to avoid what his forces can unleash upon my home. I honestly don’t think that my husband’s sanity, precarious as it is, can handle another repair.

I kid you not. This all happened in the space of 36 hours. I’m pretty creative, but I don’t write horror. It’s weekends like this that the Conspiracy Theorist that I am thinks that the push for wider homeownership is really just a ruse to get us to pump money into the economy through improvement and repairs. Home Despot, Lowe’s, and Martha Stewart all work for some government agency to convince us to spend money.

What do you think? Do you have any home repair and improvement stories to share? Please do!

*It’s a physics reference. Well, the Maxwell part anyway. The rest is, as you may or may not know, a Beatles song. Don’t know it? Click here for the physics reference. Click here for the song reference. You’re welcome.

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3 responses to “Maxwell’s* Silver Hammer

  1. That’s just…a plate full. My FULL sympathy. And I do suggest you pay up.

    If it helps, it sounds like a normal weekend here.

    I drive myself INSANE trying to prompt everyone in my family to do what they should, that is take care of our house…such as CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES!

  2. Interesting, I thought we were the only one losing spoons. We found out, too late though, that Thing 2 was throwing them away after he was done eating his yogurt.

  3. Oh wow. When it rains it pours, doesn’t it?
    We had a house repair year last year. We completely gutted our kitchen and our downstairs bathroom. Complete with knocking down a wall. The whole deal. It was exhausting and disturbing to say the least. I am not ready for any more projects, large or small.
    Good luck with yours!

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