It’s a good thing you guys are cute, else you would find yourself back out on the streets. And in this neighborhood, that means only one thing: coyote food.
I have had cats my entire life, and I can tell you that you two are the most destructive felines I have ever seen. I’m not too upset about the silhouette blinds as those already had a hole in them from something. But the leather couch in the living room is something else. I’ve figured out a way to fix it, but still…
And the door jambs? What’s up with that? You use the freakin’ door jambs as a scratching post when there is a perfectly good scratching tool not five feet away.
Your saving grace is that you are the only cats I have ever owned that don’t puke on a daily basis. At least that is something.
I’m always finding one of your toys soggy on the floor somewhere in the house. I’m sorry, did I say your toys? I meant my kids’ toys as you seem to like them pretty well. You actually open the drawer that has the rubber animals in it and drag them all over the house. But not before drowning them in your water dish. And you’d think that a Bionicle model would be safe, but no; you actively seek those out, too.
Let’s talk about my shoes. You know, the ones you have perforated? Why? Dogs do this, not cats. That needs to stop. Don’t tell me it’s because I’ve left them somewhere where they aren’t supposed to be because I’ve seen you go into my closet and do this, too. And speaking of the closet…leave my clothes on the hanger. I know you guys think that it’s a cool little cave, but don’t be dragging down my stuff. You messed with one of my favorite sweaters that way you little…
Now about your table manners. You shouldn’t have any since you are cats. You should stay down on the floor and eat. People eat at the table. You are not welcome to jump up on the table when we are eating to check it out. That thing with Thing 1’s yogurt this morning? Not cool. He shouldn’t have to fight you off for his food.
This is to you Chase (monster sized cat that you are): your sleeping habits leave a lot to be desired. You are a BIG cat and when you sprawl at the foot of my bed, you take up so much space that there isn’t room for me. I’m having enough sleep issues as it is, I don’t need this added to it. Go sleep on the floor; you do that the during the day anyway. In the middle of the kitchen floor, IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING!
The last thing I’d like to address with you is your appalling lack of consideration while I am practicing. If you must come into the music room to hear me practice, I expect you to stay on your side of the room. DO NOT HELP ME WITH MY BOWING! Whacking you on the head (don’t freak out dear readers, it was a light whacking) with my bow only seems to encourage you more, which is unfortunate. You need to stop this.
All that aside, you are great cats. You are sweet, affectionate, and endlessly entertaining. Just remember: the people in this house have opposable thumbs and are higher up on the food chain than you.
Don’t push it.