Tales From Stepford: Attack of the Landscape Vigilantes

As I have alluded to many times on this blog, I live in Stepford. I may jest, but it really isn’t that bad of a place to live. I’ve made some really good friends that counteract the craziness that abounds. But occasionally, well, keep reading…

There is a house just up the street from me that is into xeriscaping. For those who don’t know, xeriscaping is all about using local plants and other things to help use less water. Some people don’t like it, but I don’t have a problem with it because it can be a nice change from the cookie cutter lawns. Unless his yard starts looking nasty, which it started to a few weeks ago.

This guy actually takes his eco-friendliness a bit further. He won’t use a lawn service that uses gas powered equipment. And for reasons that I still don’t understand, he won’t buy “acceptable” equipment for himself. But that didn’t matter until a few weeks ago, when the only lawn service this guy would use told him that they weren’t going to come out here any more because he’s their only customer in this area. They still have to put gas in their trucks, ya know.

Anyway, so the yard starts looking really bad. It’s been more than a month since it’s been mowed. Enter my friend, Penelope. She’s a bit, shall we say, obsessive. Her house and yard are beyond tidy. It borders on freakish, like she could put her house on the market this afternoon and not have it be a problem. There are days where I wonder if they actually have a second house they really live in and this one is just for show. So she starts whining about this place to me. And after about a week, she goes to the HOA to complain. But the HOA has to give him about 10 days to rectify this situation and there is no way that she can let this go for another 10 days.

So she goes up to the guy’s house and asks him if he’d be offended if she mowed his lawn.

Oh, yes she did.

Don’t you think that any self respecting guy would say “No, I’ll take care of it this afternoon” instead of allowing this princess looking character (did I leave that part out? MAJOR princess) to schlep around and mow his yard for him? Well, there you would be wrong, because he agreed. And not wanting to drag her lawn mower down the street to this place, she borrowed his next door neighbor’s mower and took care of it. The gas powered lawn mower.

Now the story is getting around the neighborhood about Penelope and her landscaping vigilantism. People are running scared, mowing their lawns with greater frequency, afraid that Princess Penelope will come by and shame them by mowing their lawns for them. She’s earned a bit of a rep now, as you can imagine.

I love her to death, but I think she needs a job. You know, to keep her sane. I’m sure there’s a lawn service hiring.

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