Monday Mission: For your reading pleasure

This week’s Monday Mission, hosted by the lovely and talented Painted Maypole is to write your post in the form of a table of contents.  And now, for your reading pleasure, I give you….

Keeping Colorful Metaphors out of your Holiday

or

How to Keep Your Trip to the North Pole from Detouring to the Island of Misfit Toys

Chapter 1. But she’s your second cousin’s ex-husbands half sister twice removed! Tips on cutting your list to only those you can pick out of a police lineup.

Chapter 2.  Holy @%$*! It costs HOW much?!?! Tips on scaling back expectations of short people.

Chapter 3.  I’m sorry, that’s not something I can do right now. Tips on avoiding politely saying no to the five million charities that come out of the woodwork.

Chapter 4.  It is too a food group. Maintaining your roundish girlish figure during the holiday season.

Chapter 5.  Beam me up, Scotty.  How to visit all of your relatives in different cities without the benefit of transporter technology.

Chapter 6.  What an unusual gift!  Wherever did you get it? (so I can return it as soon as possible!) How to handle it when Grandpa Fred gives you (or worse, your kids!) an argyle tea cozy.

Chapter 7.  Just say No! How to remember why you’re doing this whole Christmas Thing in the first place.

Chapter 8.  The Day After Coming back to reality.

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6 responses to “Monday Mission: For your reading pleasure

  1. oh my. i think I now WANT an argyle tea cozy. I love argyle. 😉

    excellent chapter titles! 🙂 Thanks for playing

  2. I really, really needed this laugh today. For reals. So thanks for that!

  3. I think I’m reading that book!

    loved your post.

  4. I think I’m going to venture into publishing, just so I can get a piece of this book.

    Thanks for the laugh. :o) SMOOCHES

  5. margaret (the misanthrope)

    HAHAHA!!! Awesome. Just awesome. Thank you my friend! I’ve been pretty scarce here too, sorry, but I am trying!!

  6. This is a fun (and funny) idea!

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